Creative Writing Archives - Page 3 of 5 - Michael T Competielle Writer

Taking Steps Forward And Leaving Your Fears Behind

How do we determine if something is alive? “Is it moving?” “Is it breathing” in that fearful curiosity voice we all had as a kid. If we are moving are we dying or dead?

One of my many vocations is I’m a Sound Designer and Editor. I edit, clean and create sounds to extend the suspension of disbelief in a motion picture. The irony is if it’s not moving, it doesn’t make a sound. It feels odd and unsettling to add sound to objects that aren’t moving on the screen. Add some movement and we open the possibility to add an effect, no matter how slight to accentuate the movement.

As we age many of us slow down, our movement reduced as we tire or lack desire. There is a sense of safety not leaving our warm beds and cozy couches. The evil and fearful world outside our safety zone. What lurks in the dark?

In a horror film, it’s an evil monster or a possessed spirit. Both amazing possibilities for sound design yet horrible excuses to not step outside. That evil monster is our fears. Fear of being judged. A fear of taking risks.

Some mornings I awaken in fear, possibly from a bad dream or an unsettled issue I need to resolve. My heart rate will rise and anxieties will slowly creep in like the dark damp fog in a supernatural film.

But what do I know that others may not? I’m comfortable here, in my fears. Why? Because I’ve been here before. In the dark alone and scared. When I stay frozen in the fear, it lurks towards me, it’s coldness surrounding me like a plague. If I breath easy and control my breath my chances of survival increase. You can’t die if your breathing right?

With each controlled breath I feel a calming overcome my body and mind and my fears, they may still be there but I slowly step away. The sound of my footsteps i hardly heard.

Once I reach my point of safety many steps away, I can breathe easier, as my confidence returns. I’ve chosen to live and not have my fears strangle my movement.

So now let’s just image your struggling with life. Breathing in and addressing your fears have you petrified within your own existence. What happens? Fears lead to anxieties and anxieties can lead to depression. And there you are, motionless and probably not even recognizing you are actually breathing.

Generally breathing is an autonomous bodily function however once fear and stress enter the equation we can have difficulty breathing. We then must manually control our breath to work ourselves out of the situation and return to normalcy.

By recognizing our breath and rhythm we can control our emotions and regain control allowing our body to take back over.

So let’s imagine we have an interest in mountain climbing. The thoughts of the amazing mountain summit fuel our desires and we encourage ourself to the experience. But then that voice steps in, the voice of reason? Hardly, it’s that voice of fear. Everything that can go wrong will. What if I lose my footing and fall? What if the oxygen isn’t enough? What if I get tired?

Excuses we make to not have to face our fears. The fear of failure or falling or whatever can happen walking from your warm bed to the toilet. These are all excuses we make to not face the fear.

In our fear movie, our protagonist is afraid of heights, afraid of leaving the house, afraid of falling. Yet we are all rooting for this character, an audience of hundreds watching, hold their breath as our character takes steps to overcome the fear.

We suit-up in our hiking boots and shorts, pack our sack and head outside. Slowly at first, we may walk the neighborhood to feel comfortable with our pack, evaluating our energy levels, water consumption, and feelings in our body.

The first day we may feel tired or unsteady. If we stop at the first signs of struggle, we are right back where we started. Nowhere. Yet if we embrace our pains and laugh out our fears, every step and every breath will increase in strength in self–confidence.

So our protagonist trains daily for her upcoming trek. Fears still exist as they never actually go away, we only leave them behind as we move forward. With each confident step forward our fears are left behind watching us take each confident step.

In our fear movie, if we wanted to show the confidence of our protagonist the camera would follow the character. The scene on the screen would be a shot requiring camera movement. This movement is the same movement of our character as we are as one.

However, if we care to show that our character is triumphant, we will leave the camera stationary as our protagonist moves away and leaves her fears behind.

Getting up and facing our fears and with confidence walking away is the strongest lesson I’ve learned in self-improvement. Controlling my breath and emotion is still a challenge yet what I seek is the comfort in knowing that I’m confident enough to take on risks, try new things and make movement my goal.

Venture Capitalists Aren’t Building Companies They Are Building Return On Investments

A few years ago I was reading an article comparing Patagonia and North Face. Both companies manufacture similar outdoor winter wear products with a similar price point and customer base. Both companies are turning profits however North Face’s annual sales far exceed Patagonia’s.

North Face is a subsidiary of VF Corporation which is a publicly traded company that owns 30 odd apparel and footwear brands.

North Face’s Fiscal Year 2019 Annual Report noted 9 percent growth, over 22 percent return on capital and $3 billion dollars of returned to shareholders from dividends and share repurchases.

Patagonia is a private benefit corporation otherwise known as a B Corporation meaning a company thatincludes positive impact on society, workers, the community and the environment in addition to profit.

Patagonia’s 2018 Annual Benefit Corporation Report notes “Each year, we commit one percent (1%) of our annual net revenues to support nonprofit charitable organizations that promote environmental conservation and sustainability”.

Patagonia is a 46-year-old company and known as an activist company. Back in 2011 on Black Friday, Patagonia’s marketing campaign placed labels in their coats “Don’t Buy This Jacket” suggesting to customers they don’t buy the companies products unless you absolutely needed a new coat. Patagonia recognized a 30% percent increase in sales with a belief the increase was the winning over the competitor’s customer base.

Patagonia also created a buy back program called Worn Wear. The concept is to wear, repair and share in items you already own instead of buying new.

As an educated consumer, my purchases are generally researched and calculated. My decisions are based on many variables as I search for brands of companies with philosophies that I can align with.

The environment is a top priority for me as I’m recognizing the effect we are having on our planet from companies and people that aren’t concerned with our future. Businesses are built to profit, that I can align with however certainly not at the expense of the world environment, workforce or excessive taxation. Corporate welfare privatizes profits and socializes losses at the expense of the taxpayer who also is the consumer.

Large corporations lobby politicians for tax breaks, leniency on rules and laws governing wages, benefits and environmental impact for only one purpose, artificial growth and maximizing profits.

Working as a Brand Designer with a new startup company we are designing the core values of our brand. Listing the individual threads of what will ultimately become the fabric of the companies mission and philosophy we are researching companies that align with our own personal beliefs and recognizing their struggles to close the gap on sustainability.

As we recognized the current status of the global business environments challenge to remain competitive and profitable we also see a pattern of the abusers. Cutting corners, removing quantity and quality from goods and services while devouring up the competition and creating conglomerates that are too large to fail all hiding behind a welfare system designed to absorb the risk.

Daily I challenge myself to evaluate my personal impact on the environment and things I can do to change. My distance traveled to work has grossly diminished based on 8 years ago and I’m evaluating the products I buy, upcycle, recycle and repurpose. I’ve stopped shopping in stores fully of kitsch and buying memorable trinkets. Instead, I try to purchase Buy It For Life products that may not last an actual lifetime but certainly can be repaired, handed down or resold.

I’ll remember places visited and experienced by taking photographs and writing about the experience. The sharing of the experience through communication far exceeds the memory of a plastic souvenir thrown into a drawer.

For products that I can not buy it for life, I try to extend the life expectancy of those products by no longer discarding clothing or shoes due to imperfections, I’ll instead try to stretch out a bit more use out of the products until they are fully expended.

I revitalize old buildings to give them a new life while minimizing the waste of discarding the structure. I’ll repair items to extend their life and donate or gift away items with limited resale value.

Items such as clothing, books, and household goods have low to no resale value due to the artificial capitalist economy we have created. Cheap products and services are being sold while risks and losses are bring absorbed through creative accounting and taxation loopholes.

More billionaires are being created annually as employee benefits, wages, retirement funds, and job security have diminished to record lows. Our product choices have also been grossly decreased as we find out about large conglomerates who own the majority of the products that are on our shelves. Startups and market innovators are bought up and absorbed into just another product line in these already obese corporations.

These companies work on tight margins and maximize sales by increasing their market shares. Many corporations product lines or acquired companies are designed specifically to lose money to drive down the price of goods and services forcing competitors to cut corners for survivalism.

Our single line of defense is to research the companies we purchase from. Learn from actual consumers about their personal experiences on purchased goods and services and we must create our own standards of what we as the customer are willing to pay and receive in return. We must flock to companies that align with those beliefs and place a stakeholder in their future.

The future of our planet relies purely on our active participation in revitalizing our planet by minimizing waste and buying sustainable and renewable resources. Collectively we must look to where we can take a firm stance on global warming, pollution, reduction in quality of life and natural resources.

“We can revitalize the Earth by making gradual changes based on products we use and how we treat the waste. Our biggest voice is in the boycotting of products that do not align with our core beliefs and in turn either doing without or buying from companies that take a truthful stab at saving our planet”.

Pinpoint A Moment By The Separation Of Space and Time

Our world is a connected place, every individual person is a blip on the World radar moving about in a common cosmic universe. Experiences are influenced by our emotions based on the present time and space.

Rereading a book or listening to a favorite song can often invoke feelings and emotions from past experiences as we can transcend backward in time. Based on your present mood and level of focus the revisit can unearth new discoveries and connections often unheard or unread. We will frequently find new meaning and understanding as we have expanded our knowledge through experiences and personal growth.

What variable in time discrepancy offsets the fabric of connection?Where exactly is the wrinkle in time that creates the missed connection? Decisions we make writes not only our history but the history of others. Inclusion in situations influence the course of others lives and more often than not purely by happenstance.

Fragments of data I’ll file into my mental memory banks stored like a scientists notes. Compartmentalizing content I’ll keep the metadata available for future exploration and hope the content will expand in concrete understanding.

As I mature and maintain positive forward motion looking back only to see progress and a refusal to dwell on the past, I comfort new discovery. New experiences map a new and unique future guiding me to another space and time.

My interests in music, film, sound and design are now almost a circadian rhythm of connections as I’m close to closing the infinite loop. What’s new is frequently old, a fusion of old concepts rediscovered and reborn into a new being.

As I walk around expanding my connection to nature I’ll often recognize I’m on hallowed ground. Prior to the creation of a sub development in a suburban town, the land was a tree farm, prior to that forest and a Battleground of the Revolutionary War and prior to that home to the Lenape Indians. We are only separated by time as space or place is remains consistent.

Only through conversation and discovery do we unearth the individual fibers used to weave the pattern of our existence. Only with an open mind and exploratory mindset can we expand our horizons to absorb new discoveries. We shall never stop learning nor discovering. Reading, writing and photographing fragments of time are only missed connections unless we defragment our data-dumps into buckets of commonality and make connections.

Patterns will emerge as we better understand our minds content. As we cleanse our minds of junk files, the reactions of others or our superfluous content allowing room to fill the void of self discovery and conscious understanding.

Freedom to create, design and experience. To use our own connections to expand our minds and our lives and share with others to change their experiences in the fragment of time.

“I Seek Comfort in Rejection”

Normalcy and normal people bore me. I’ll glaze over during monotonous dribble of conversation as people will often tell me the things they are going to do. I’ll yawn and think about pairing my socks. Actually, I don’t even pair my socks as that’s boring too. My latest quest would be to own 10 pairs of unique socks that I care to wear as the mood strikes me and certainly easy to pair.

I can generally entertain conversations based on what people have done if they’ve actually done something. Ironically most people haven’t done anything. Sold a bill of goods by mass marketing and propaganda I find many people are living a life curated by their parents, who were curated by their parents who were curated by… nobody cares.

Shallow existences hidden behind suburban homes with white pickets fences (do people still put up picket fences or do they now hide behind privacy fences.) Boring cookie-cutter homes built conveniently close to cookie–cutter shopping. The same boring place, town after town, state after state.

Excessive consumerism has modeled a fallacious facade hidden behind limited choices and repetition of the same old same old. I can hardly walk through a mall or big box store without becoming bored and disengaged. The same crap lining the shelves regardless of the corporate brand. Safe, secure and I’d assume maximized profits.

Critics no longer are critics and reviewers no longer reviewers. Seemingly just puppets marching in step behind the next payday. I never really feel th sincerity of the review. Lacking passion and conviction.

Recently I’ve been reading a lot more, which in turn has inspired my writing. It pains me as I follow certain writers, having found a lucrative payday and stick to a lane we know isn’t actually real. A path I refuse to take I’ll write based on my current mood, reread briefly and hit publish.

Metrics and metering mean nothing and general acceptance possibly less. My charge comes from my volumes of work based purely on self-expression. I create mostly for myself and therefore mainstream acceptance isn’t required nor desired.

I’ve never fit in anywhere, always the odd duck with nicknames like Weird Mike. Kept at arm‘s length for fear my oddities might be contagious.

I feel warm and complete in the outside world, surrounded by the outsiders. The artists, poets, and painters. Those that take risks, the ones who say fuck it. The ones who sit alone on a bus praying no-one takes the seat next to them. Mortally in fear of the pressure of small talk.

I seek pleasure in the eccentric, the independent, the extreme.

My favorite music, films, and art are often viewed as avant-garde, experimental and unique. All of which have multitudes of layers only discovered after continuous revisiting and review.

“I think it’s terribly dangerous for an artist to fulfill other people’s expectations. If you feel safe in the area that you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting”. David Bowie

Daily I write and for the most part daily I’m rejected. I’m uncertain if what I write is pure slop or am I unearthing another unique version of me. What I can say with all certainty is for the few that get it, that reward is immense.

Reimagining The Perfect Life

Taking your favorite aspects of your life and making them better

Just to be perfectly clear I’m not complaining by any stretch of the imagination about my current life. For all intent and purposes, it’s a perfect life. I have an amazing wife, great kids, wonderful dogs, a brilliant career, inspirational side hustles, and good health.

So why reimagine the perfect life?

What exactly is our actual purpose? To survive? To work, save and die?

Not long ago I reread the obituary of a visionary designer, restaurateur, and community leader. His style and visions have molded the inspiration of how and what I do daily.

Every day I awaken and ensure that I create something. Often my creations are as simple as breakfast or determining details on an architectural project. But often they are larger such as finishing films, inspiring photography or recording unique sounds.

My current carbon footprint is relatively small in comparison to many others yet I’m always thinking of ways to reduce my waste and stop the purchasing of frivolous non-necessities. My impact on the environment and my use of the Earth’s precious resources has moved to the head of the line of self-importance.

Every morning I’m working on Living My Legacy as I have less fear of dying than I do not living.
Michael Competielle

My perfect life consists of detachment as I want to detach myself from material things and nurture my relationships with loved ones and the Earth. I want to travel to the places that create my food to experience the challenges of growing these crops.

I want to pick bananas and avocados and work on a coffee plantation. I want to taste the sweat and feel the pain in my body after a hard day’s work. I want to sit by a warm fire and listen to stories about the lives of the people that really matter, the stewards of the land.

I want to listen to the sounds of animals in their natural habitat and recognize we are in this world together. I want to sleep on a beach and listen to the waves roll in as I watch the sunset.

I want to climb the highest mountains as a sherpa and learn how to breathe with limited oxygen. I want to know that on my descent from the mountain’s summit I’ll respect and cherish every new fresh breath.

I want to rebuild damaged lands and become a steward to our Mother Earth. I want to learn how to recreate biodiversity and sustainability and be a part of the rebirth of our depleted natural resources.

I want to listen to the birdsong and recognize their tunes as I watch our precious bees pollinate our lifeblood… Our food.

I want to taste the earth and hear her song. From the highest mountains to the calmest oceans. I envision myself a shepherd to our planet and become her faithful servant.

I don’t want to care about money, politics or world peace. For in my reimagined world we all nurture and cherish each other and our Mother Earth.

Listening to Life… A Soundwalk

Buzzkill

Weekend mornings are a time for extended rest, free from the burdens of weekday life. Our dream sequences allowing us to transcend reality for just a few minutes more. Composed and at ease, we calmly rest.

And then the lawnmowers start, 2 cycle weed-eaters and leaf blowers wreak havoc on my silent lucidity. Environmental noise pollution poisoning my mood and making my heart beat a bit faster.

Certainly, the suburban lawn is one of the least ecologically friendly environments, a biological wasteland. I’ll ask myself how with all good conscience can I partake in helping destroy our environment willingly?

Natures Classroom

Earlier this year my wife and I took a soundwalk through The Watershed Institute, a 1,000-acre watershed reserve. The Watershed staff consists of water and land stewards working to protect our local waters and wildlife habitat.

Armed with my backpack full of field recording gear we headed into the visitors center. Kiosks explained the history of the mission of the Institute. We learned about the impact of water runoff from manicured landscaped yards. The harmful use of herbicides and pesticides and their impact on our waterways. The Watershed recognizes itself as responsible to maintain the ecology of the local landscape and teaches those practices.

As we walked outside feeling informed yet still exploratory, I read on a sign about the Institutes rain gardens that collected the building’s water runoff and how native plants are used in its construction.

Native plants have adapted themselves naturally to survive well in local environments and create a biologically stable habitat for bugs, birds, and bees. Pesticides, herbicides and added fertilizers aren’t required for native plantings to thrive.

The Trail

Putting on my headphones and holding my microphones we began heading down a wooden boardwalk that’s slightly elevated from the boggy land below I could feel the sense of life in the foliage and ground. Frogs, crickets, and bugs were immediately apparent as we headed deeper into the woods.

A smell of rotten eggs wafted towards our noses, evident that this site is biologically diverse.

The raised boardwalk ended and we found ourselves navigated a muddy terrain as we headed deeper into the watershed. Stopping every few hundred feet to observe the sounds of the remote preserve. It didn’t take a highly trained ear to hear the disturbances from near distance noise pollution.

I could hear the sound of a lawnmower trimming some local fields and a distant sound of small aircraft inflight from a local airstrip. I stopped recording as I was saddened how my excursion which felt remote was not far enough away from manmade noise.

I began to think about the animals when they are awakened from their dreams. Forced into fight or flight in an environment they call their home. None essential human-made noises that could easily be avoided if we respected the Earth and nurtured our environment.

It was on that day I learned about the environmental impacts of humans and the ecological effects of manmade noise. It was on that day I began my quest to become… An Audio Ecologist.

Finding The Courage To Be Yourself

Every morning I awaken with the thoughts of which me do I care to be today. For I have many versions predicated on the day, time of year and where I am within in my world.

I don’t set an alarm to awaken as my body and subconscious mind are on auto pilot guiding me down my daily path. If I’m complacent and at ease I’ll sleep up until that moment I need to arise and start me day. Recharged with an internal flame that revs my engine to a roar.

But then there are those mornings where I’m haunted, my fears and inner fire greying and ashen as I feel almost extinguished. My mind will race as I try to rekindle my spark but the coldness of my thoughts smolder it away.

I jump into survival mode, my thoughts are the kindling to regain my flame. Alone in the dark I seek the answers as I stare into the cold loneliness of my conscious.

I’ll close my eyes tight as I lie like a mummy in a cold stone sarcophagus, sheets over my head to warm my soul. I’ll breathe in my first warm calming breathe and feel the fuel my flame requires for combustion. My outward breathe the soot from the once smoldering flame.

I breathe in deeper like the bellows of a furnace fueling the kindling as I rage against my darkest inner fears. As if there is nothing but my fearful self tending to the fire.

As I take each warm confident breath the embers become flames, the flames an inferno as I fuel my thoughts and overpower my anxieties. I’m ablaze warm and trued. Tempering myself from my days uncertainty. Knowing who I want to be and how I shall present myself is the key.

My meditative practice soothes my back to a calming sleep. I’ll awaken charged and fearless, with only the courage to be me.

Stopping Time by Living in the Moment

The Quest

One summer my wife and I decided to take an extended weekend trip to the Town of Woodstock in Upstate New York. We had only a few sites we felt we needed to see and without real plans, we decided mostly wanted to connect with the stunning mountains while looking to relax and relieve some stress.

Heading upstate we stopped at Storm King for the Buddhist inspired Zhang Huan: Evoking Tradition exhibit of hammered copper sculptures placed throughout the cleared grassy fields which then inspired our weekend of searching for enlightenment.

After arriving at our resort, we headed into Woodstock so become familiar with our new surroundings and plan our next few days excursions. The plan for the following morning was to hike to the top of the Overlook Mountain range.

The Adventure

Waking up early we stopped for breakfast before heading towards the trailhead. We had a hardy breakfast of Catskill Coffee, eggs with toast and tomato. Fueled for the hike we drove the last few miles to the trail base.

As we parked we happened to see the most serene Tibetan Buddhist Temple we had ever seen. With visiting hours starting in the early afternoon we had a goal to reach the mountain summit, meditate and then head back down to visit the monastery.

The trail was relatively clear with a steady incline. We set a good pace and climbed towards the summit. Midway up the mountain range was the abandoned stone skeletal remains of the Overlook Hotel. We explored the ruins, refueled and continued our climb.

The Goal

In the distance, we saw the landmark Catskill fire tower and knew we were close. As we walked into a final clearing we reached the Overlook. A rock outcropping that runs east to west that overlooks the Hudson River Valley below.

The two-hour uphill hike was vigorous yet calming and upon reaching the Overlook and seeing the beauty of the Hudson Valley was worth the effort. We sat on a huge rock outcropping and stared down into the Hudson Valley. Everything looked so small and peaceful as we felt like giants. After a few moments of rest and some photographs we decided it was time to head back down the trail, anxious to make it on time to the Monastery.

We began our descent with a bit more speed as gravity and familiarity were on our side the effort required was minimal. We talked about our love for nature, and our feeling of accomplishment and we reached the bottom of the trail.

The Reward

As we headed over to the sacred Tibetan Monastery we were immediately silenced by the prayer flags dancing in the slow mountain breeze. We passed the King of Mantras Auspicious Gateway and headed up a path towards the buildings as we saw Monks walking away from the Monastery heading to go have their afternoon lunch. It was perfect timing as the grounds were then open to visitors such as ourselves.

Our tour guide was a Woodstock resident for many years, an artist songwriter that volunteered as often as she could. Here volunteering offered her to not only help in the gift shop or provide tours but it also allowed her the ability to sneak into the temple for meditative mantras.

New Learnings

Our guide explained to us the history of Tibetan Buddhism and the basic teaching. She then began to explain how the Holiness 16th Karmapa had found and blessed the sacred land here in Woodstock for the building of the first Karma Kagyu monastery in the United States.

We learned of the years it took to build the Monastery and grounds, of famous visitors and about The Dalai Lama’s teaching in the Monastery.

I was glazed over at the wealth of information our guide had bestowed on us that day however one I’ll never forget was to live in the moment. As we entered the Main Shrine-room we had to remove our shoes and take a seat on a prayer cushion left behind by the monks who had just left the shrine. She guided us on how to assume a lotus position and some basic principles of meditation and prayer.

We were taught about Sutras and Mantras and quests for enlightenment. Various practices and rituals Monks and partitioners would partake of during retreat and teachings.

She continued the tour showing us the Courtyard, Meditation Platforms, Shrine rooms and we exited into the gift shop. Feeling mentally cleansed and emotionally connected I purchased my first set of Tibetan Mala Prayer Beads.

Enlightenment

As we said our goodbyes and left a small donation to our guide and the Monastery we left the grounds purified and enriched. Our visit was a springboard of research and self–help as I work daily to stay in the moment cherishing each experience. My attention to detail and recognition of my local surroundings has increased exponentially and my love for the earth and her creatures lives on.

For I am a Lotus

Warm mountainous air slowly fills my lungs, my heart beating slowly, my mind focused on my breathe. Slowly fragments of troubles evade me as I’m floating away. For I am a lotus, my petals to either side, my stamen erect, relaxed.

Below me, the earthen rock formation is my foundation as I’m firmly planted at the summit of the mountain with breathe taking views…I breathe in slowly, my focus, my breath.

Hawks circle me with curiosity. Am I their prey? I breathe in meditative prayer. For I am the master of my vessel, lovingly embracing my place in this world. My terrestrial being seeking enlightenment, a transcendence higher, higher. For I am a Lotus.

The deeper I breathe the higher I rise, feeling the quiet breeze cool me. Nutrients from the soil give me strength, the suns bright light fuels my soul. Enriched by my environment and the purity of the air.

Swaying slightly as I embrace the breeze, freeing to not feel rigid as I go with the flow. Sounds disappear along with the pressure I’d been feeing in my stem. Floating away as my deep concentrated breathe sending electrical impulses to my extremities.

I breathe in, I am one with my meditative spirit as I am a Lotus.

Your Writing Sucks

Why I Send Myself Hatemail

I’m not a writer but more of a storyteller. My style is based on my actual feeling and emotions and on my interpretation of the truth. For the most part, I’m writing how I speak and more realistically it’s how I think. I use the words love and hate often interchangeably based on my current mood and situation. The reality of the matter is I’m creative and therefore I take risks.

Creative People Traits

easily bored
risk takers
color outside the lines
think with their hearts
make lots of mistakes
hate the rules
work independently
change their mind alot
have a reputation for being eccentric
dream BIG

stolen from somewhere.

You never really know what version of me you’re going to get. My current thoughts and mood are plagued by my current emotions. I put passion into most everything I do and I’ll visualize myself doing things prior to making an attempt. If I can’t see myself doing something, generally I know I won’t partake.

Daily I try new things and need to find inspiration to get myself on board with my new experiences. I’ll try new things having visualized the outcome and honestly, it often doesn’t work. Many people wouldn’t notice or even care however my mind‘s eye knows when I’ve gone astray.

Plenty of my creative endeavors have been pure trash, thrown by the wayside and discarded. My embarrassment and self-judgment often pollute my flow and produce feelings of anger and sadness.

The rules I follow are my heart and my gut instinct, the only emotions I know I can truly trust. Sounds can be lies, tastes can be poisoned and sights can be a mirage and only your inner voice will guide you to the truth.

I have a pure distaste for rules and restrictions. Asking my confidant, my mind‘s eye if we can break them my inner voice always says absolutely.

Ironically for someone who doesn’t generally follow the rules, I have a lot of personal rules and you know what… I break those too.

The rule of thirds.

Ok, so I’m a Libra, which means I’m a scale and all about balance. Call it the rule of thirds such as hot, warm, cold or red, purple, blue. My favorite color is purple, I like my drinks warm or room temperature or evenly balanced. This is a basic guideline I generally don’t break and helps in my decision-making process.

I’m a Vegan based on three distinct different reasons, empathy to animals, environmental concerns and lastly diet. Politically I lean towards being a Progressive or Independent since I don’t fully align to the Left or the Right.

I like my day broken up into one-third work, one-third play and one-third rest. As much of my work is play and my play often work, my rest can get clouded with the other two thirds. Not a horrible situation to be in except when I’m questioning my abilities rest can become work.

Functioning as a sine wave I have my ups and downs. Deadlines and complexities are equalized by positive yardage and motion. As I envision the finish line and keep my mind’s eye on the prize I’ll internally battle the emotions and push myself towards completion. Sometimes the completion of a project, design or article yields a joyous feeling however just as frequently I land into a world of self-doubt and anticlimactic disgust.

Kind words and acceptance from others does not always work to convince the only actual quality I can trust which is my gut instincts.

As I may be self-deprecating and question my abilities and recognize my shortcoming what I don’t lack is confidence. Instinctually and with utmost confidence I can make decisions and continue to trudge forward. I can take criticism at face value and analyze the data to determine if I’m off the rails and need adjustment.

Honestly, I’m Living the Dream as I daily have the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone to try new experiences and my new mistakes. Somewhere between my two happy places which are the mountains and the beach is the equalized me. Writing, photographing, recording and creating. I’m my own harshest critic who aggressively doubting my abilities and qualifications. But the power of being creative I can recognize my shortcomings and push myself through my self-doubt and make myself proud.

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