relationships Archives - Michael T Competielle Writer

Relationships And Letting Everyone Down

I’ve attended many concerts where I felt let down and I was wishing it would be something else. Not that it’s their duty to please me, but at the same time, I think a lot about what it’s like through the eyes of the consumer, the fan. I want not to pander to the audience, but to be aware of them.
Trent Reznor

How many people did you please today? I’m hoping the number outweighs the sum of people that you let down. Each morning I awaken with the goal of placing my best foot forward by being mindful and empathetic. Each minute of each day ticking by as we head towards our end.

Focusing in the moment we attempt to prioritize others while we maintain complacency in our priorities. Relationships require us to give and take to feel complete and whole. Our best way to take is by taking the words and emotions of others and understand their perspective.

As we identify with the other person we can attempt to feel how they feel. Often our understanding needs to be based on perspectives that are impossible for us to understand. Gender, race, ethnicity and financial situations are difficult traits to learn perspective. When we place ourselves into what we believe to be the other’s perspective often we’ll miss the reality of a situation.

Tainted Love

Falling into love with ideas and ideals is disastrous. Reality is paramount in accessing and proper function of a long-living relationship. By being supportive and genuine in other people’s successes and failures we build an impenetrable bond. Sharing in the riches of the fortunes of our relationships we build ourselves up together and grow.

The bitter taste of jealousy by a self-centered relationship becomes a toxic chemical cocktail that poisons relationships. If we focus on our insecurities by turning them outward, we can spoil an otherwise nurturing connection. We can not rely on others to make us happy while we shouldn’t need to rely on others to create ours.

The Big Let Down

When we recognize the negativity exhibited towards us in a tainted relationship generally has little to do with us directly we can begin to focus on the issues. People will want others to create their happiness and fulfillment without recognizing it’s the power of connection and give and take that develops solid bonds.

If you spend your life waiting for that perfect person to please your chances are you’re on a path to the big let down. The best advice in relationships is honesty and being forthcoming with your feelings and emotions. The power of the bond will elevate the relationship to a higher level of connection and development.

Supporting Gender Equality Within Plain Site

Charles Schulz’s Peanuts Cartoon The Girls Always Played And Usually Won

Charles Schulz began drawing the Peanuts cartoons back in the 1950s when gender roles were being disenfranchised after the World War II “We Can Do It” women workforce was becoming discouraged in lieu of full time “homemaking.” While the country had been at war women stepped up to prove their ability to compete and even surpass their male counterparts in manufacturing and industrial trades.

In the post-war women were forced out of jobs and treated as though they were incapable and incompetent as they were encouraged to focus on finding a husband and prepare for motherhood. While it took over a decade for the female movement to gain speed one cartoonist helped plant the seed.

With his cartoons published daily in over 2,500 newspapers, Charles Schulze’s Peanuts reached millions of readers globally. Based on the main character Charlie Brown and his pet dog Snoopy the cartoon touched on politics, sports, relationships, and gender equality.

While Charlie Brown was the main character he was often the butt of jokes and tormented by a dominant female character Peppermint Patty who was quite the athlete and would entice Charlie Brown and friends into playing male-dominated sports such as baseball, football, hockey, and basketball.

That never stopped Charlie Brown from having females on his team and it was commonplace in the cartoon to see equality in the splitting up of the sports teams. Ironic that during the tumultuous times of the past few decades a multibillion-dollar franchise helped plant the seed into the minds of generations of adults that equality should be accepted.

It’s was through suppression that females were made to appear inferior to males in the workforce and sports and we should be thankful for Charles Schulz’ Peanuts for prioritizing the indifferences and helping to pave the way towards an equalized society.

Finding Connection In The Age Of Connectivity

“When wireless is perfectly applied the whole earth will be converted into a huge brain, which in fact it is, all things being particles of a real and rhythmic whole. We shall be able to communicate with one another instantly, irrespective of distance. Not only this, but through television and telephony we shall see and hear one another as perfectly as though we were face to face, despite intervening distances of thousands of miles; and the instruments through which we shall be able to do his will be amazingly simple compared with our present telephone. A man will be able to carry one in his vest pocket. Nikola Tesla 1926

We have never been more connected than we are in the present day. From cellphones to social media our connected world has brought us into the experiences of our friends and peers like nothing we have ever witnessed before. As we read through the Twitter feeds and Instagram photos we feel a sense of connection without having to actually be there. A pseudo world of connection and connectivity.

We all possess feelings of connection that power us through life. I’m certain I’m not the only one that feels that the spirits of the beloved deceased are watching over us, sharing in every situation we find ourselves in. What is saddening to think is the reality that they really are no longer with us and condensed down to a feeling we have or a hope that the connection isn’t lost.

As we look back to our connected world we feel that likes and retweets are the same as human connection though we are mostly devoid of the interaction of conversation, feelings, and emotion. Our visual bond as we look into another’s eyes and feel a connection to their mind, body, and soul is lost as we look at the pixels on a screen. Do we still have these connections or better yet do we still have actual human interaction?

The other evening I was in a health store purchasing some supplements. I needed to exchange a product I had mistakenly purchased with another similar product. The cashier understood my mistaken purchase and told me where to find the replacement and then offered to walk and show me.

I didn’t feel I needed the assistance and walked to the rear of the store to find the correct product. I noticed the price was a few dollars more and assumed we would exchange one for one. As I stood before the cashier she looked at the price tag on each product and did the math to determine the difference of $1.80. She rang me up for the difference and hand wrote on my previous receipt the exchange.

She explained not only the new product and its benefits but also the exchange process which left me with an understanding smile. The store didn’t have scanners or automated cash registers. It was a retail experience designed to maintain interaction with customers and products. It later dawned on me that being it’s a health food store the knowledge of the staff is essential and the connection to the consumer’s needs is their business.

Why Are We Disconnected

All-day every day I walk around through my day interacting with people. I make it a priority to connect with people and understand how they are feeling. I manage people based on their emotions more than on the actual work. When they are stressed or anxious the work suffers. Help to remove the source of anxiety and the work becomes simple.

When people feel happy and confident they can complete tasks easily. They become attached to the work and ultimately me as the manager on a connected level. People don’t like to let me down as they have recognized our connection is based on our connection instead of workload.

I fight against the use of metrics and focus on accessing their emotions. If you have an angry disgruntled employee you need to find the source of the angst and fix that issue. Focusing on connecting with the issues helps to resolve the controversy.

Finding Connection

Yesterday was a bright and vibrant day. Issues from the day before had almost corrected themselves and actually be determined they weren’t actual issues but someone else’s lack of following procedure.

Warm greetings from an artist friend lead us into a deeply connected conversation of warmth and interpersonal self-discovery as we each motived ourselves in the engagement of conversation expressing our emotions. An interesting conversation with an employee was had in which he had an empathy and understanding of why I felt it was paramount that he was proud and loved his work byproduct.

Photo by Asia Popinska Copyright 2019 Used by Permission

Later in the day, I met with my favorite photographer Asia Popinska whom I share a close metaphysical relationship with. Our connection is through understanding the science of our emotions and feelings and how we put forth ourselves in our art. Her works inspire emotion and introspection that I’ve connected with.

How To Connect

Lose yourself in the moment and forget the distractions of the outside world. Hang on to every word, statement, and thought you hear in a moment. Show your love and affection for others and remind them that they are indeed special. Be honest and exposed. When conversations are deep and well-articulated you will witness the body language of the other person change and your bond will gain strength.

Practicing mindfulness and emotional intelligence we can enhance our connections to others. Positive and honest thoughts will yield a stronger understanding of not friends and peers as well as ourselves.

I walk on a cloud of air, elevated above the angst and anger of others. I’m focused on understanding how others feel and with each passing interact my connections to the outside world have strengthened. The ambiance of a room feels warm and powerful as I find compliancy is communication and connection.

Developing Our Relationships by Decoding Emotions

If I asked you “How do you feel?” how would you answer. Understanding that if your immediate answer is “fine” you aren’t trying hard enough. Take another stab at it. “How do you feel?”

It takes a bit of soul searching and being honest with yourself. Do you feel complete? Are you happy with your life decisions and are you working on self-development?

Looking in the mirror and recognizing the truths behind how we feel and why is a key step in self-improvement. I’ve practiced the concept for years and recognize I rarely blame others for my unhappiness or displeasure. Actively I work on understanding cause and effect and what triggers emotions I find unsettling.

Understanding Our Emotions

Anger- a strong feeling of annoyance
Sadness-a feeling of loss or disparity
Anxiety-a feeling of nervousness
Hurt-a feeling of physical or mental pain
Embarrassment-a feeling of shame or awkwardness
Happiness-the feeling of happiness

Relationships amongst people are the way in which we connect and behave towards each other. Our relationships can be with family, friends, acquaintances and romantic. If we work on our relationships with others by paying attention to how the other person feels we can improve our connections.

The Emotional Spectrum

If we look from one emotion to another we can understand why we should try to regulate ourselves by balancing on one emotion while we try to minimize others.

More importantly than just having a positive mood, happiness is a state of well-being that comprises living a good life, with a sense of meaning and purpose. For most of us, it’s happiness that we are trying to obtain and maintain.

For most of us, we try to go about our daily lives in a positive mood while feeling happiness. We will attempt to surround ourselves with happy positive people as we maintain our happiness.

Our homes will be decorated with items that make us happy. We dress and entertain ourselves in an attempt to keep ourselves on the path to happiness. When we make connections with positive and happy people the feeling can be contagious.

Chemistry Class

Dopamine, Serotonin, Endorphins, and Oxytocin are the quartet known as the happiness chemicals. As we find ourselves in many situations these neurotransmitters are triggered that create our happiness. When we learn to recognize what makes ourselves as well as others happy we can regulate happiness.

Dopamine will help motivate us to reach our goals while we realize the feeling of pleasure. Completing small achievable goals releases small yet frequent releases of dopamine that will maintain our happiness. By continuing to establish new goals and working towards accomplishing them we can live in a state of euphoria.

Serotonin will be released when we feel important and noteworthy. Our feeling of connection with others will release serotonin. We can help the release of serotonin by reflecting on past achievements and pleasurable experiences.

Endorphins are released to elevate pain and as a response to stress. They can be released during a time when an athlete needs a second wind or while laughing.

Oxytocin is the glue that holds together happy and healthy relationships. It creates intimacy and trust and is also released during orgasm. The simplest way to help release oxytocin is a simple as giving someone a hug.

When we recognize what conditions help ourselves and others release these happiness chemicals we can focus our efforts on maintaining heightened levels.

Relationship Nirvana

Nirvana is the perfect place of peace and happiness. When we find nirvana in our lives, relationships and experiences, we continue to release the four happiness chemicals. When we get into a perfect rhythm of flow, our connections to people, places, and situations keeps us naturally happy.

Emotional intelligence is to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle relationships with empathy.

By spending time learning what triggers our partner’s happiness and our connection to them we can help keep our relationships in nirvana. When we lack emotional intelligence we may miss the subtle cues that will help us recognize how others feel.

Honesty and trust are established in meaningful relationships. When we share with others whom we trust, we make an unwritten bond that helps build the foundation for a lasting relationship. Letting those we trust know when we feel angry, anxious or sadness they can help lift us out of our slump by helping them focus on the joys and happiness they have known in their lives.

Listen to the people with whom you have a relationship and find their sources of happiness. Be warm, kind and nurturing as you listen and learn how they feel and how you can help them maintain their level of nirvana. And most important all, ask people “how do you feel”?