Stepping outside I’ll immediately struggle with the decision whether I go left, right, or straight. “Fuck it let’s go right” I’ll say to the only one that really listens and head left, my instincts of being ambidextrous have determined when in doubt go left.
Instincts guide my decisions as I walk aimlessly through life looking for experiences and enlightenment. Situations will present themselves in a natural unadulterated fashion as I attempt to focus on the present and go with the flow.
When I walk into a store, tradeshow or museum and I’m challenged to make a decision, I always go left as that just feels right. Going right feels foreign and obscene like most people that I’ve met, boring and following a plan. I’m always focusing on being somewhat thorough in a speed reading sort of way until the connection is made with an object, a person or a notion.
Walking through an Ikea once I noticed that the store was designed properly with projected arrows on the floors guiding the pedestrian traffic in a natural flow from left to right like I read and how I wander through life like a whimsical fish.
On another occasion, in another Ikea the store’s directional arrows were placed backward guiding the herd from right to left. Unorthodox and teetering on blasphemy, I debated on the notion to leave my group and fix the store by reversing all of the store’s arrows and signage yet the concept of human traffic when I’m trying to create order is daunting. The mindless zombies certainly would be lost forever in the catacombs of chic furniture, destinations no longer known.
How adaptable is a fish out of water? We can survive. Our way of breathing will change as our skin will dry out yet we will adjust and endure the challenges of a foreign environment. We become like sea urchins, calloused and hardened.
When I ultimately get my way and get back into the water, I will swim upstream like salmon, in an attempt to spawn new ideas and adventures.
I live in fear of doing the same thing twice as I find comfort in my inconsistencies. My plans for today only spoiled by my mood and inabilities to stick to the plan. Winds and water flow will guide me off course. My surroundings uncharted and anew.
How will I feel connected and complacent? I never will, however, the journey is my destination, no matter how foreign or unplanned.
As humans, our greatest ability over any other being is our ability to communicate. Everything from facial expressions to dialogue to writing we have many ways to articulate our thoughts and emotions. Yet most people haven’t anything to say.
Talks of the weather or last night’s game are conversation devoid of creativity and honesty. Place saving for true self-expression and thought. Ask the person “how did you feel when your team lost” or “how did you feel that it rained all day” and possibly you’ll be on to an actual form of emotion.
With our busy lives filled basically of doing nothing, traffic, the morning news, work issues and the long line at the grocery isn’t actually conversation, it’s a data dump of words that fill the narrative. Fluff to get the report to look through or detailed. If you economize and minimize the dialogue to one’s emotions the conversations become more honest and engaging because they create inclusion to the listener.
A filmmaker friend I speak to daily returned yesterday from a 17 day trip to Europe. We talked for over an hour about his trip. He loved the premium class seating on the flight due to the added legroom however not having a direct flight he would never do again.
The coffee in his hotel in Budapest wasn’t great and so he went to McDonald’s for a cup to go and he was surprised it was served in a ceramic cup with a stainless steel spoon and a fabric napkin. There isn’t any coffee cup to go. You don’t go anywhere with your coffee. You sit there and enjoy it.
He spoke of the energy he had immersed in the architecture and culture of the century-old cities and how he felt relieved on rainy days because he could spend hours inside museums without missing the outdoors.
At the end of the hour, we had little filler or fluff. An honest close conversation on how he felt being away and how great it felt to be back. We scheduled a date for next week to spend two hours discussing a new film project and to look at some of the hours of video footage he had captured during the 17 days trek.
Distance brings us closer as it gives us space and time apart to reconnect with our emotions. The passing of time is real and actual. And the longer the duration apart the more abridged our engagements become as we will expedite the narrative to express ourselves.
We may not always get out our truest feelings yet if we know we may be again distanced we should be honest in our expression. I missed my friend over the 17 days, I feel reconnected with him as we squeezed 17 days into 1 hour. However, it’s that one hour we shared how we felt more so than what we did. And how we felt during our separation and how we now feel together again.
The changing of the season from summer to fall is the perfect time for forest walks and fall foliage drives. As the leaves change colors from green to vibrant reds, yellows, and oranges and the temperatures are still marginally warm and bearable.
Yet something is lurking in the shadows of fall. A cold and evil darkness is beginning to set in. As the days are getting shorter and the nights are getting colder, the seasons change to winter will bring on a sense of sadness.
The winter days sun is hardly reminiscent of the sun of the warmer seasons. Brightly shining with a warmth that fuels our souls and tones our flesh. Our bodies are energized on the long journey of a summer day.
The darkening of fall will lead to the dead of winter. A season lacking in birdsong, vibrancy and light. Annually I begin to sadden as I will feel imprisoned to the indoors to avoid the harshness of winters chill.
As of late, I’ve learned to overcome the sadness of dark frigid days by keeping my mind in check. I’ve learned to stack the decks against the disconnect from the great outdoors. By using my mind to fuel my soul, and adjusting my activity and motivation the changing of the season to winter has become pleasant.
Dressing warmly I’ll trudge outside to embrace the difference in the sounds of winter. The lack of leaves and ground brush changes the pitch and character of common sounds.
The feeling of the cold winters air has a bite that reminds me that I have a fire inside. An internal light that needs to be fueled and nurtured. The glowing embers of energy that I need to keep stoking to maintain my sanity.
Embracing the days and fortifying my passion to learn and experience, I’ve learned to love each day and fill it with love and life. The sadness of the cold and dark is overshadowed by the fire in my heart and power of my mind.
With controlled breath and pure thoughts I realign my mind to fulfillment. This day may not be that picturesque scene we would love to paint yet it is the perfect opportunity to reconnect my mind to my soul.
With breathing and focus the changing of the season can be enjoyed. With pure thoughts and an open mind, we can embrace this time for learning and expression.
Looking back we see where we were, and looking forward may be too far away. So by nurturing this thought in this moment for the fire shall rage to overcome the sadness of the cold and dark days ahead.
Every day I’m designing the future me as I visualize what I want to do and why. As I establish my goals and I aim high, I’ve learned that my actions today have the greatest impact on the future.
I’ve learned the power of the law of attraction and have been rewarded from the concept. Situations I would never think I’d be in have materialized simply by realizing I could control the outcome with my thinking and beliefs.
What concepts begin in my mind are organized and fleshed out before I’ll begin to speak or write about them. Various paths are explored on my mind’s journey to the directive. Once I visualize the potential path I’ll then begin to speak of the goals and my course of action.
This brainstorming exercise always creates a cohesive perspective that I’m positive I can execute. The power of the thinking process and dissecting an objective begins the development of a successful outcome.
Prior to even speaking of a future journey I’ll often jot down the objective and establish my goal. The notation to paper is the way we can bring a future goal into the present. As you look down about the paper that previously stated nothing, wrote down your goal or plan, instantly the objective had materialized. At this exacting moment, it has not come to fruition but the groundwork has been set.
As we look off into our future horizons determined to be a writer, musician or artist, the end goal of a book, musical or sculpture are way off in the distance. But they are in the picture way off in the foreground. How do we research that goal? That starts with taking steps towards it, keeping on the path and staying focused.
As we walk towards our goal we will meet many obstacles along the way. Speaking to people of our objective with determination and clarity, the barriers that block the path are lifted as the power of attraction and connection moves the obstacles from our path keeping us on the trajectory to our goals.
Often we will ask the wrong people for assistance and they may guide us astray by taking us off the path our polluting our positivity.
As we head towards our future we walk with ourselves in the present. Turning around we can see our past and determine if we are still on target and pride ourselves on how far we’ve come. Our success comes from doing.
This article wouldn’t even be complete had I not thought about the topic, fleshed out a narrative and placed pen to paper. Looking back I see hundreds of words that have gotten this article to this point. I remain on target to my goal of a completed well-designed philosophy.
Had I never thought about the goals of this piece, I’d be staring at a blank page. Had I not established an objective the words would have little meaning. At this exacting moment, I’m present in my thoughts and immersed in my own timeline.
Checking in with yourself and determining if you’re on task helps to keep your eye on the prize and determine your anticipated outcome. Wondering how you got to where you are can help us access the path and clarify our thoughts and reevaluate the situation.
If you are anything like me you have multiple projects, objectives, and goals. That’s where we use the power of our minds to process and prioritize the present moment and keep us moving forward. Distractions and uncertainty can cause negative impacts on our minds and bring about doubt.
I’ve re-evaluated everything I fill my day with and maximize my time. I’m filling my mind with clear and concise plans and thinking through how I can execute them. I see every positive step as a gain ground on my future goals. My dreams are becoming a reality as I’m designing the best version of me.
When the Communists entered my grandparent’s Austrian homestead, they were forced to pack up and leave. They were only allowed one truck amongst the family and were required to pack within the hour and head out onto the road.
Often I try to imagine the feeling of being forced to pack within one hour everything that matters to me into a trunk and carry it away. The remainder of my belongings never to be seen again.
What would I deem important? Are some of my worldly possessions not going to fit, easily replaceable or nonessential? For the most part yes.
With the false sense of security feeling, this will never happen to me I can simply disregard the notion and not worry. But history has a tendency to repeat itself, and even if it will never happen, what do I really possess that could fill that trunk?
In war-torn 1940’s Europe, I’d say clothing, food, blankets and some photographs. Not much more would really matter. Discarded and left behind as I’m certain many felt lucky they were escaping with their lives.
Stuffing Your Life in a Backpack
So my experiment is what items are of essential importance to my daily needs? The backpack concept comes from a desire to travel to more remote destinations where I would need to minimize my packs.
My passion to travel has never been stronger and my quest to document these experiences is the single most important objective.
My pack will include a camera to capture the scenery and experience as I attempt to seize the moment and freeze it in time.
The sound of environments has become my latest experiment and therefore I must bring along my audio recording gear.
Recently I’ve come to the realization that I’m also a writer. Pen to paper not so much as I write on an iPad or laptop. Seems that also needs to go into the pack.
I’m looking into a lightweight Buddhist prayer rug so I can sit close to the earth and become connected to my environment.
Clothing, some snacks, and water I’m thinking the pack is full and going to be heavy.
Lightening the Load
My iPhone can actually handle most of the tasks mentioned above, photography and video, sound recording, writing, and even a few ebooks I would feel relatively complete.
Any of the other equipment would need to improve the capabilities of my cellphone or else their value begins to fade after hours of humping the heavy pack through the paths of travel.
What about all we left behind
So now I begin to question everything I’ve left behind. Is anything essential? As a collective of physical content much of the things I own I’d say yes. However if I was forced to pack them into a trunk, never to see the items left behind could I survive? Am I willing to walk away from the clutter of life and feel complete and whole?
One day I’m certain to find out. Be it my quest for enlightened travel or my placement into my eternal place of rest.
Last evening I watched the documentary Heal which is about the healing process of the purified mind. The film embarks on the journey of ailed people finding cures through various mind over matter techniques.
Fight or Flight
Every morning I awaken refreshed and pure. I’m energetic and have an internal drive to embrace each day. My thoughts are creative and inspiring as I can’t wait to tackle my projects and achieve my goals.
I’ll awaken present and cleansed, mindful and pure. My positivity and emotional connection to the world is never stronger.
Sometimes I’m slapped out of my Zen by the world’s uncontrollable effects, however, my position within myself controls my take on the situations and clarifies my decisions.
Yet no matter how hard I’ve worked on myself I still have my triggers. Certain people, situations and society’s lack of caring will overcome me like a darkening storm. My extremities will tingle, my heart rate build and my mind sees red as my inner balance is rocked out of rhythm.
I’ll enter into a fight or flight situation as I struggle to remain focused and in control. Luckily my strength over my mind I can expel the emotion quickly however I’m uncertain of the internal damage I’ve done, allowing the raging of cortisol toxicity to poison my body.
The external stresses of the world will always be there. I purposely don’t read or watch the news or get dragged into others false narratives as I work to maintain a pure and enlightened status. Brushing off the plaguing effects of the tainted world.
Checking in with myself and regaining a balanced neutral state has become easier over the years as I’ve gained experience and wisdom. My spiritual connection to my surroundings overbears the pollutant as I regain composure.
What is your Superpower
My latest quest is to eliminate belongings and burdens as I redesign my perfect existence. I’m packing everything I need into hikers backpack that I’ll use in my travels to enlightenment.
My honesty to myself truly knows it will be impossible to ever remove all material items and remain complete. Somewhere I will need at minimum a room of precious items needed to remain complete. The room shall be considered my mindfulness room for therapeutic experiences. It will lack the toxins that distract me from my calmness and connectivity to my mind.
This room shall heal through meditation, yoga, and sound. The soothing sounds of nature and smells of incense as I breathe in life and expel the dirt. I shall dispel negative thoughts and embrace the positivity of being one with my mind as I fuel my soul.
In my mind I’ll rebuild my internal Zen Monastery stone by stone. A fortress from the outside world. Mind over matter as I embark on the path of positivity walking away from the fight as my conscientious being has already won. My mind is my superpower.
Disease manifests from within
Within all of us is a disease. Toxins are absorbed from our environment and our foods and hide inside our bodies. We fuel the disease when we allow the chemical cocktail to gain strength from the fuel of negativity. We lose battles that can be won when we walk onto the battlefield defeated before the first shot has ever been fired.
I remember when I was a child and had received my first BMX bicycle. There was another older kid in my development that was super cool on his. He was an award-winning racer and I so wanted to beat him in a race.
One day I saw him and rode up alongside him, and said something stupid like “I’ll beat you sucker” as I pedaled away in a fury. I reached the end of the complex just before the main road and looked back. He was way back behind me. He never changed his pace nor engaged in the race.
Once he reached me I laughed “haha I won” and his response “ the only one you beat was yourself” as he never missed a pedal and rode away. He had completely dismissed me. I was defeated, he had won and the only one that expelled any effort was me.
That kid was a pure genius. Me not so much.
Photo by Michael Competielle
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Overcoming our Ailments
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
By understanding and recognizing our trigger points or ailments we can win the battle. Our minds recognizing the symptoms will help us nurture our healing. We don’t need to physically fight a battle as our minds and knowledge can overcome the obstacles.
It’s once you have a solid understanding of your own inner workings that you can build the confidence to remove the negative and cleanse the toxic. Toxic friendship? Move on. Toxic relationship? Move on. Toxic job? Move on. You can’t change the world or its inhabitants, all you can do is determine if you want to live amongst them or not.
Walking away from the fight takes strength and confidence. You have to walk away with a certainty of knowing you’ve won. Your well-being takes precedence over the situation. The Power of your Mind will win the battle and lead to a deeper complete you.
I find myself very lucky that I have the opportunity daily to walk between 6 and 8 miles. My daily walks start in the morning taking my dogs for a half-mile walk around our block.
In the past, I felt the walk was a waste of time and always wanted to economize my efforts by listening to a podcast or reading emails while walking. My mind preoccupied with whatever else it was I was doing instead of mindfully walking my dogs.
One morning I decided to be present, in the moment and cherish the time spent walking the dogs and minimizing distractions. My focus would be on the path we take and our environment.
Walking around with a clear mind, the simplest of nature’s details are observed. Spring is identified by the early evidence of small buds sprouting. The smells of floral blooms.
Bird song soothes as they are vocalizing the pleasures of the early morning sun and coming warmth. Grasses changing color from a dull hue to vibrant greens. The air crisp and pure.
Washing dishes often feels like a chore however when I focus on the task at hand it becomes therapeutic and calming. The warm water hitting my hands, the sounds of a sudsy pot overfilling as I presoak it. I like to wash in patterns in an attempt to be thorough, give each pot or dish my fullest nurturing care and attention.
My mind struggles to wander as my calmness and attention remain focused. It’s my time to be one within this moment. No longer a chore but a part of my life.
Walking and Talking
I’m not going to say that I didn’t always love to walk and talk however I do feel I noticed it a bit more after reading Steve Jobs biography which was a life-changing read and my personal bible.
Connection happens when you walk and talk with someone. A natural cadence happens where both of your steps take a similar rhythmic pattern. Where both your speed and motions become as one. The words become secondary in the connectivity as you move collectively as one.
Many of my best conversations have happened on walks. My mind is focused on the conversation and this connection. The environment becomes secondary to the human element of expressiveness.
Movement and conversation opens us up to focus on the moment. You struggle to be preoccupied and lacking presence whence immersed in dialogue in motion.
Walking through observations
I’m a people watcher and detail seeker. As I walk alone I’ll often focus on people or my environment as I tell myself a story. Using the power of my thoughts I’ll focus on a person or an element and tell myself its story.
Looking at an old church I’ll visualize the passing of its time, seeing the weddings, christening, and funerals. A full lifecycle happening before my eyes. Then I’ll refocus back to the present, seeing the church standing tall and proud, having bore witness to these amazing events. What a story this church could tell.
A Tree has a soul and the mere existence of the Tree breathes life into our environment. An essential element with the power to heal and maintain life. The Tree sprouts out of the ground with just enough internal strength to bud a leaf. The richness of the soil is a requirement for the nutrients required to grow tall and strong. It’s roots spreading too far distances it gives strength and food.
When the wind blows a Tree will sway, its core holding it in a neutral position yet its flexibility a requirement for survival. Going with the flow of the wind and being present in the moment, for a Tree that refuses it sway or lacks a firm root system will often topple over.
My body is a Tree
Sometimes on walks in the woods when a slight breeze kicks up, I’ll become a Tree. Firmly planting my feet on the earthen ground arms stretched out I’ll move with the wind. My connection to my environment is pure and present as I sway with the other Trees. We dance in cadence, as we are now as one, a forest of Trees.
The details in a Trees leaves or the blossoms of flowers fuels my mind and purify my soul. Life’s struggles still remain yet they are far off in the distance, lacking much power to enter my mindful state.
Mundane meets my mind
We all must do mundane tasks that require our time. By repurposing our thoughts and minds into a positive light by finding the unique perspective in those moments a new element to our lives is born.
Once we have prioritized the tasks and remain focused and engaged we can find joy and complacency in most things we do. We can develop a connection to mundane and uninspiring while attempting to find a new purpose through presence and focus.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference
Reinhold Niebuhr
A photo of the above saying hung in our home when I was growing up. I remember reading it back then and thinking I understood it as I would force my will and opinions upon others. The World didn’t change and honestly neither did I.
I’ve been blessed with the life I have been gifted and with every passing day, that fact is reconfirmed. The past year I’ve moved towards enlightenment by redesigning my life. I’ve accepted who everyone else is and how they fit into my world.
Nothing Is Impossible
Mind over matter as I daily make minor adjustments to myself and my lifestyle. For the most part I don’t do anything I don’t want to and make sure the things I do actually partake in I’m present and mindful.
The challenges I had yesterday are in the past and how I deal with situations is in the present, where I’m focused and engaged. I seek the answers to problems first within myself before I attempt to modify my surroundings.
Everyday obstacles are deemed insignificant as I refuse to become embroiled in the static of the problems I can not solve. My objective is to carve myself a path and follow my inspiration.
Why?
I remember as a child when my parents asked me to do something I’d always respond with “why?” And the answer was always “don’t ask questions just do it” or “because I said so”. Not really great advice and certainly not very enlightening.
I ask myself why? in most everything I do. And the answers, when honest are life-changing. No longer do I waste time watching the news or reading about things that I can not change. My concentration is finely tuned to the things that affect me and my effect on others.
I’m a work in progress and it’s an uphill battle to redesign my thoughts and interactions with the world. I’ve made lifestyle changes to my diet by going Whole Food Plant Based, and I’m mindful of my impact on the environment.
I don’t any longer take nature for granted and I cherish the beauty of each passing day. Every hour is maximized in a very selfish way as I make sure I’m doing the things I need to do for me. My world revolves around me and when I arrive and interact with others it’s with purity I can interact becomes I feel complete.
The stresses of life still exist and I still will lose my cool with others when I see they’ve given up or are defeated, often before they’ve ever started or tried.
Every day I work on my redesign and self-development, looking deeper into myself and further out onto the horizons. With all certainty I know I can get there and so my quest to fulfillment has become easy.
With each passing day, I do a reflection and determine my status. I’m pleased with my results yet recognize I have a long way to go. The journey to curing myself has been my greatest achievement. I keep moving the goal line as I travel deeper and deeper into my own potential and reap the rewards.
It’s 4 o’clock am and I’m awake. My mind begins to race thinking of the hundreds of scenarios and tasks I need to complete. With every attempt to answer my issues another one arises and so the sleeplessness anxiety-driven insomnia begins.
I’m always still tired at that point and would love to fall back asleep, however, my mind is racing like that overzealous running partner running in place next to you as you are gasping for air, exhausted, wanting to die.
The room is dark and silent except for the snoring of my dogs. Why is it that they can sleep straight through the night and even fall back to sleep once disrupted? Why do I wake up at this time most evenings?
Sleep Patterns
I fall asleep naturally around 11 pm every evening. I’ve never had a problem shutting down or falling asleep. When my body feels tired it’s generally around the same time each evening and I try to let it do what it feels is right.
It’s easy for me to fall asleep and get a decent 4 -5 hours of good sleep before I’ll often awaken around 4:00 am. Originally I believed I was being awoken during the witching hour which according to folklore is around 3-4 am when ghosts and the devil are most active.
As I never witnessed any supernatural activety I discounted the concept. What is basically happening is the transfer from deep sleep into a light sleep. Once I’m awake and in that needing to problem solve mode, falling back to sleep becomes almost impossible.
Mindful Sleep Meditation
I’ve developed my own secret weapon to combat early morning insomnia which I call Mindful Sleep Meditation. I’ll lie flat on my back, hands to my side in a mummy position as I’ll focus solely on my breath. Slowly breathing in and out which rhythmic controlled breathing, I’ll adjust my complete attention to my breathe.
As I breathe in and out my anxieties will attack my overactive mind yet with each solid breathe, I fend them off. My heart rate will noticeably lower as I regain the calm in my extremities.
Breathe in breathe out, as I begin to feel a fading effect. Like lights dimming before a film in a moviehouse.
As I continue to control my breathing and slip further away from my stresses, the power of calm slides me back into a slumber. I’ll enter into a calm creative version of sleep where my problems I’ll answer or discount one by one.
Awakening In Control
I generally don’t set an alarm as my mind and body are my time clock. As I arise I’m alert, energized and calmed. My stresses and anxieties still exist however I’m now in full control as I’m prepared to face the day. Soothed and in control I’ll move forth with certainty that I can take on life’s challenges and win.
My confidence reassures me that weve been here before and have gotten through. My mind is pure, clear and focused. My breath is my power when I need to return to my neutral mindful space.
I’ve never seen a hearse followed by a Uhaul or a Brinks truck. You can’t take it with you. As I look around my house I see all of this stuff. Years of purchases, gifts and hand me downs taking up valuable space in my soul.
The acquisition of stuff is an American pastime. Entire television shows have been made about people who collect massive amounts of stuff. American Pickers is a great example of a company that makes its living scouring the American countryside in search of stuff to resell.
The show takes two pickers of American artifacts around the country in a big van. Mike and Frank search around for obscure collections of stuff with the hopes to find treasures amongst other people’s trash.
As a made for TV reality show my guess it’s marginally real and many of the deals are predetermined however the point of the show is the thrill of the treasure hunt. Mike and Frank uncertain what goodies they will find in other people’s stuff.
Most often we see the team driving down the road building up the excitement for the days pick. They will pull up to an unassuming house or barn and after brief introductions, we head into the collector barn, garage, cellar or bunker to reveal most often a Hoarders Dream.
Hoarders Delight
The parallel show to American Pickers is A&E show Hoarders that highlights the disease of hoarding. In this reality TV show, we visit a similar demographic of diseased individuals that may collect Americana or items of some monetary or sentimental value but more often than not are collecting trash.
Hoarders often surround themselves with items they feel are of great importance and will pile and live amongst their collectibles often at the expense of their well-being.
It isn’t uncommon to see a hoarder’s home filled with what we commonly would call trash or recyclables piled often to the ceiling. When people on the show attempt to intervene in the lives of the hoarders removing the “collectibles” often is at the dismay of the hoarder.
I’m Not A Hoarder….Yet
What is all this shit? I’ll ask myself quite frequently. I’m certainly a collector of stuff, primarily musical and film equipment, movies, records and books, tools and clothing.
I mostly wear the same 10–15 articles of clothing over and over again. My wife will take shirts I overwear and hide them in the back of the closet with hopes I’ll wear some of the other crap I have. Nope, I’m an emotional person and I like to wear the things I feel most comfortable in and therefore the infinite loop continues.
Two years ago I had to clean out my parents New Jersey home and pack 70 years of shit onto a moving truck headed to Florida. They were “downsizing” as we filled a 55-foot tractor-trailer worth of shit. Things they no longer felt fit into their lifestyle was donated or inherited by my family and friends. Truckloads of shit were regifted and donated over the months leading up to the sale.
My Jeep Wrangler was filled weekly with precious heirlooms I’d drag home and attempt to find a space for. Fearing the wrath of God if I didn’t keep all the precious treasures.
Once down in Florida we unloaded entirely too much content into the newly built spacious retirement home. I saw the looks of dismay on my parent’s faces as we tried to find room to neatly put away all the crap. It was a perfect exercise of how to fit 10 pounds of shit in a 5-pound box. You can’t.
Cluttered and disorganized was the immediate feeling as precious heirlooms were sequestered into the oversized two-car garage. My Mother made every attempt to surrounded my dying Father with his worldly possessions.
He died only a few short weeks later, inside his own prison of crap. Without much thought, we collected many of his items and began to donated, regift and discard carfuls of crap.
Some items were of sentimental value so I would bring an empty suitcase to Florida and return with it full, building my own prison of crap.
Mindfully Dehoarding
I began to question life and our time on this planet. Is collecting and not using items away we falsely extend our inevitable mortality? Possibly.
As I look around at my collected existence I look at each item in a mindful moment. Why do I possess this item? Does it make me whole and complete? Is it a book that changed my life or a tool I can’t live without, or am I just fooling myself surrounded by instruments I don’t play or films I’ll never watch?
Is the passing on of items we possess a purifying cleansing or will I suffer from detachment?
Yesterday I sold off a piece of equipment I’d been storing for 10 years. One day I would hook it back up, play with it and write the most transcending song.
As I realize I’m lying to myself hiding behind the safety and comfort knowing these items are at my disposal anytime, the sense of immediacy and urgency is lifted. These items become anchors that darken our days and suck the creative spark of the spontaneity out of our souls.
Zen And The Art Of Letting Go
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. My quest for cleansing and purification starts with self-assessment as I’ll place my belonging before myself in their day of reckoning. Shall they stay or go? The release of their burden certain to heal, while the decision to keep the items shall force their use.
The answers to the quest shall become clear as I believe the removal of clutter will fine-tune my body and mind as I prepare for my next adventures. Cameras will shoot images, books will be read and songs shall be sung.
My body of work will become more purposeful and enlightening. My future shall not be unshadowed by the cloud of clutter and my money not wasted on holiday kitsch. Every item in my personal space must be purposeful and I must be complete.
